A Question of Memory
by Penpusher
Summary: [NB - Previously submitted under the title \"Always\" (which didn\'t make sense). This is the second time of uploading, in other words NOT A NEW CHAPTER, merely a correction.] So, how would Sam react if she found out about that kiss in the Gateroom ...?


A Question of Memory

**Disclaimer****: don't own 'em (a girl can dream), don't make money out of them (I wish) and no permission given for anyone else to do so.**

** **

**This is a fluffy little fic from Sam's POV.No specific warnings, but multiple spoilers for "Window of Opportunity".**

A Question of Memory By Penpusher

I couldn't remember a time when I had been so totally lost for words – or so angry.

"I just don't believe I'm hearing this!In the Gateroom?I mean, the General …How _could_ you?"The look on his face was almost comically sheepish.He shuffled his feet, avoiding my eyes.

"Look, Carter, it was a prank, a joke, okay?I didn't mean anything by it, and besides," he tried a winning combination of insouciant charm and little-boy mischievous grin, "It wasn't as though you were ever going to remember it.In fact, you wouldn't have known anything about it if brain-the-size-of-a-planet here hadn't opened his big, fat mouth one time too many."He frowned with unmistakeable menace in Daniel's direction.

"Look, I'm sorry – I, um, didn't realise any of this was in confidence.I thought – well, you know, seeing as Teal'c didn't seem to think it was any big deal …"Trailing off, Daniel kept his gaze fixed on the carpet and began to slide awkwardly towards the door.At the last moment he weakened and looked back, only to be skewered by a glare that would have rivalled a zat gun._Oho, watch out, Daniel!_I thought, with a certain grim satisfaction, _You can be very sure that you are going to suffer, and soon._The little exchange only served to make me madder still.

"With respect, sir, leave Daniel out of this." I retorted, voice climbing in pitch as my rage increased, "You took advantage of my helplessness in a situation which was totally out of my control.You harassed a subordinate who was in no position either to protest or to seek redress.And you truly believe you can justify your actions on the grounds that I would never know that it happened?"

"Now hold on one minute!" O'Neill's chin jerked up and he levelled his laser-gaze straight at me.I held my ground and glared right back.

"Took advantage?Harassed?" he was almost spluttering. "You think I deliberately set out to hurt or embarrass you?Hell," he raked an exasperated hand through his greying hair, "I even handed Hammond my resignation before I laid a finger on you!"

"And that makes it all okay, does it?"My voice dripped venom.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Daniel wince.

"Well, at least neither of us could be Court-Martialled!" A smirk spread over his face, fuelling my anger even further.

"Sir," I replied icily, "Whether or not you were officially my superior officer at the time is totally irrelevant.The fact is, you acted irresponsibly, without any consideration of the damage you could be doing to our working relationship, or to SG1 as a whole._Carpe diem_ may be an apt maxim in times of war, but not when it concerns members of your team!"The Colonel frowned, glancing interrogatively towards the other SG1 officers.Daniel was still trying to melt into the carpet, but he replied automatically to O'Neill's unspoken question.

"It's Latin." He muttered, looking anywhere but in my direction, "It means 'Seize the day'."Impassive until this moment, Teal'c suddenly frowned.

"DanielJackson, I do not understand." He announced in his usual deadpan manner, "It is not possible for one to capture time.This statement has no meaning."Daniel pursed his full mouth and tapped his bottom lip with his index finger. _Oh, God, he's going into teacher mode!_My mind shrieked.

"It's a figurative term, Teal'c." he began, his voice taking on a lecturing tone."To 'seize the day' is to follow the dictates of one's desires irrespective of future consequences.It is a hedonist approach to a situation of uncertainty, such as war or famine, when society would be … " Abruptly, my long drawn-out patience snapped.

"Daniel, for once just can it!" I shouted.He stared at me in shock: even Teal'c looked mildly surprised.O'Neill held his hands up in a position of vague surrender.

"Okay, take it easy, Carter." He began.I rounded on him.

"Is that an order, _sir_?" I enquired, my voice trembling: I was _that_ close to losing it."Because if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just go carry it out somewhere else, preferably a long way away from here.If I don't, I think it's very likely, _sir_, that I'll be on a charge by the end of the morning: regulations specifically prohibit subordinates beating hell out of their superior officers, whether or not they deserve it - _sir!_"It has to be said that I am a full Major, and officers of that rank are not usually known to flounce out of rooms in full view of their C.O.s.However, my exit from the Briefing Room came as close to flouncing as any commissioned officer could achieve.I totally ignored the Colonel's outraged "Oh yeah?You and whose army?" and concentrated on establishing enough leverage against the Briefing Room door for an effective slam.I heard O'Neill rounding on his subordinates, particularly Daniel, for a serious breach of the "don't ask, don't tell" maxim –especially the "don't tell" part.I smiled bleakly: it sounded as though Daniel was due for a exceptionally painful death involving a staff weapon, several pairs of handcuffs and a petrol-driven lawnmower.Teal'c's contribution to this debacle was, of course, overlooked owing to his superior strength and size in comparison with practically anyone else on the base.

*************************************

I kicked my office door shut, gaining some small satisfaction from the sound, turned the lock and sank into my office chair, resting my forehead in my hands.

"Ah, shit." I muttered, "Just when it was all starting to fall into place."The team had been working well.A great deal had happened to us over the years, and the physical and mental strain had been, and still was, severe, but we could cope.Through each life or death situation, each new moral and ethical dilemma, our trust in each other and our knowledge of each other's strengths and weaknesses had grown and deepened.Now Jack had dealt a serious blow to that trust.How was I supposed to deal with this situation?**_Judging by your performance to date, you're not dealing with it at all._**My conscience started pricking me and I shifted in my seat uneasily._That's scarcely the point_, I argued back, _I could have him up on a charge for this.**Oh yeah?How?"If it pleases the Court, the Defendant, Colonel Jack O'Neill, is alleged to have sexually harassed a subordinate while occupying a time loop.It is claimed by the Defendant that as he had already tendered his resignation immediately before the alleged incident, he was therefore technically a civilian at the time.Also the victim of this alleged assault, the Plaintiff, Major Samantha Carter, is unable to testify as to the veracity of any of her allegations due to the fact that her memory did not carry over between time loops.Yes, your Honour, there were indeed witnesses to the incident, but they cannot testify for similar reasons to the Plaintiff."Case dismissed.Damages awarded to the Defendant plus costs on an indemnity basis, and the General will see you right now – Corporal Carter.**_

A quiet knock on my office door failed to galvanise me into any form of response.The knock was repeated, slightly louder.I sighed.

"Go away, Daniel." I replied in a tired voice.

""Carter?Are you in there?"There was a muted thump as the Colonel tried to force the door open with his shoulder.

"Go away, Sir." I corrected, this time in a slightly more irritated tone.

"Nothin' doing, Major.Get this door open, that's an order!"I sighed gustily and slid out from my desk, unlocking the door with reluctance.I left the Colonel to let himself in, turning my back on him as he did so to slump into my office chair.He turned the lock before approaching my desk, at once totally alpha male.

"Carter, we need to talk."

"So talk.Sir."He stamped about my room, stopping abruptly every few paces to jam his hands angrily on his hips and sigh in annoyance.

"Hell!"he added.He turned and looked searchingly at me.

"Have I said I'm sorry?"I nodded.

"Several times,"I replied evenly."With varying degrees of annoyance and frustration."He spread his hands.

"So where's the problem?"I gritted my teeth and counted to thirty.

"The problem is a little matter of your invasion of my privacy."The look of total bafflement that chased its way across Jack's face was almost worth all the hassle it had cost me to achieve it.

"Privacy?" he echoed, his jaw slack, "Carter, this is the _military_ – we don't _have _privacy!"I was slowly shaking my head.

"The Regulations were designed for a purpose." I told him, "Sometimes the purpose is less than admirable, often the Regulations do little to achieve it – but the bottom line is to maintain a measure of control over a large number of very different individuals all working towards the same goals.Where interaction between the sexes is concerned, the rules have to be all the more stringent.Come on, Sir, you know the score!If you and I were having any sort of affair, do you think we could function as efficiently together as we do now?"Colonel O'Neill looked at me thoughtfully.

"You think – " he began, "You think I want to have an affair with you?"

"No, of course I don't!" I protested, my cheeks flushing slightly, "I'm not in the business of jumping to conclusions, Colonel.However, I _am_ in the business of helping you to keep SG1 running smoothly for the good of us all.The fact remains that you played what you thought was a harmless prank – nothing more, nothing less.Unfortunately, it was not entirely without repercussions."He looked me intently in the eyes, then sighed heavily and swung abruptly away from me, his hands on his hips, looking at the floor.

"You've no idea what it was like." He began in low tones, "Living the same day, over and over again, for four or five months – hell, I lost track."He paused, then turned back to face me, his mouth twisted in a quirky smile.

"You know, it was actually Daniel who made Teal'c and I aware of the possibilities of the situation." He told me.I shook my head.

"Daniel is such an innocent." I replied, a small indulgent smile creeping over my lips, "In similar circumstances, he would never dream of doing anything dangerous – or dishonourable," Jack had the grace to look a little awkward here, "Or even foolish.So, he would never suspect anyone else of breaking the rules."

"That's Daniel." Agreed the Colonel.I looked at him shrewdly.

"So," I said, "Apart from lip-locking unsuspecting subordinate officers in the Gateroom, what other, ah, pranks did you and Teal'c indulge in?"I was delighted to see him flush slightly before replying.

"Oh, ya know," he waved his hand ineffectually, caught my eye and subsided, "Okay, I learned pottery."There was a small silence, then an unexpected bubble of laughter caught me by surprise.

"You did _what?_"Again, that sheepish look.

"I, uh, made pots.Or, to be strictly truthful, I made one pot." He shoved his hands in his pockets and studied the carpet."Over and over again – the same goddamn pot."He looked up and grinned."The last one was pretty good."I couldn't help it – I laughed.

"Anything else?"My mouth simply refused to frown any more and after a moment, I stopped trying to make it.Although not the most sensitive guy on record, O'Neill seemed to twig that he might be within striking distance of safety.He straightened his shoulders and aimed one of those boyish grins in my direction.It hit me straight between the eyes.

"I, uh, rode a bicycle through the corridors to the Gateroom," he told me, "You know, during that emergency call, when SG12 came in ahead of schedule?I got there by bike.Ringing the bell all the time to warn people I was coming, of course.I wouldn't want to cause any accidents."I laughed out loud at that.

"And what was the response?"

"Not near good enough.I had to get serious after that."

"And?"He paused and shrugged.

"Teal'c is involved in this one."

"Go on."He feigned reluctance.

"Well, I wouldn't like to take any chances on the consequences of my breaking a confidence …"He trailed off and hastily backtracked on intercepting a glance from me that had all the destructive power of a Scud missile.He held up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay – we drove golf balls into the Stargate."Now this one I couldn't believe.

"Oh yes?"

"Yep."He nodded for emphasis, rocking back on his heels.I pretended to consider.

"And where exactly did those golf balls eventually arrive?"

"Alaris." He looked me straight in the eyes without the slightest hint of a smile. "It was the furthest reference we could find.Teal'c tells me it's several billions of miles away.I guess that has to be a record, huh?Teal'c's drive is improving."His lips curved into a reminiscent smile.

"Hey, I even yelled at the General."

"Why?"

"He asked what the hell did I think I was doing – in the middle of my backswing!I _had_ to yell at him for that."

"Sacrilege." I muttered, shaking my head.Jack nodded.

"Absolutely.Hey, y'know, I never had you figured for understanding something as crucial as that!Frankly, I never thought _any_ woman could ever understand the importance of a man's backswing."He paused then fixed me with one of his unsmiling, piercing gazes."So, Carter – am I forgiven?"I stared right back, unsmiling.

"Forgiven?" I queried.Jack looked away and squirmed ever-so slightly.

"Yeah." He replied, "I think I've grovelled enough, don't you?"

"Have you told me everything?"

"Absolutely." He affirmed, "Well, except for the juggling thing."

"Juggling?"

"Yeah." He nodded."Ya know, Daniel can always be boring, but when you've heard him give the same lecture upwards of thirty times, you start to go cuckoo.I learned to juggle – with three pieces of chalk."I nodded semi-seriously.

"Successfully?"He shrugged and waved his hand non-committally.

"So so." He replied, "I taught Teal'c – hey, I wonder if he can still do it?"I frowned suspiciously.

"So is that everything there is to know?"He pursed his lips.

"Well, yeah – apart from one or two small things."I raised my eyebrows.

"Such as?"He shrugged.

"I, uh, sort of – didn't warn Daniel a couple of times when I knew he was about to be flattened in the corridor by a couple of marines."

"A couple of times?"Jack shrugged again.

"It depended whether he had just plain annoyed me, or whether I was close to killing him.Hell, it happens."He shrugged."Face it, we were going whacko.Hey, am I going to have to account for _everything_ I did during that time?"It was time to get to the main event.Slowly, I shook my head.

"Colonel O'Neill," I said, getting out from behind my desk and pacing the floor. "When I said I was most concerned about the effect your actions would have on the ability of SG1 to function smoothly, I was telling the truth.However, I do have just one more final reservation."I stared at him directly, then broke eye-contact and shrugged."Ah, heck, never mind."I lowered my eyes and shook my head, allowing a faint suggestion of an embarrassed smile to cross my face.Jack immediately turned to face me.

"What?" he demanded.I shook my head, refusing to meet his eyes.He took hold of my upper arms – a most unusual gesture from him that made me blink in surprise.

"Come on, Carter." He told me, ducking his head, trying to intercept my lowered gaze."If you've still got some hang-up over my behaviour, let's have it now and deal with it."I raised my head, noting that he had not yet loosed his hold on me.

"Well, Colonel," I began again, "I guess it's really a matter of knowledge – and memory, of course."

"Of course?" he prompted, still not releasing my arms.I nodded.

"Yes." I replied, giving him the full benefit of a direct, wide-eyed stare. "My problem is that you carry certain – memories of me which I don't share.That leaves me at something of a disadvantage – which I don't like."His eyes narrowed slightly.

"I think you're going to have to give me some help here." He replied, running his right hand through his hair, then replacing it just above my left elbow. "Let me get this straight, Carter: you are hacked off because _I_ remember kissing you in the Gateroom in front of the entire SG staff, including the General, and _you_ _don't?_"Gravely, I nodded, still not breaking eye contact.A small, explosive bark of laughter escaped him.

"So, I'm supposed to go get my memories wiped, huh?Like with some of that stuff they had on that place – Vyus, did they call it?Carter, there's nothing I can do about that part of it.It happened for me, it just didn't happen for you."I sighed inwardly: sometimes Colonel O'Neill's brain could take a little while to process stuff.I remained patiently silent while he worked through the remaining options.His face suddenly changed and he let out what I can only describe as a startled yelp.

"You are so kidding me!"Jack retained his grip on my arms, staring wide-eyed into my face with stunned disbelief.I continued my steady, impassive gaze, waiting for him to come to a decision.He dropped my arms with a noise of exasperation and turned away, resting his head momentarily in one hand.

"Carter, this is the real world now." He said, still with his back to me. "You are an officer under my command – it could be a Court-Martial situation for the both of us."He looked round sharply and barked "And I am not handing in my resignation to Hammond either!"

"I'm not asking you to." My voice was even and quiet.He turned back and reached out to take my upper arms again, gently this time.

"Do you seriously feel – that I took advantage of you, Samantha?" he asked, softly.I sighed, looking away.

"Yes," I replied."But it's difficult to assess how much I resent you for that, when I don't even remember it!" I levelled my gaze back at him, and this time the Colonel seemed to have stepped out for a while, leaving just Jack staring back at me, eyes wide and vulnerable, his usual gung-ho confidence evaporating into thin air.He nodded slowly.

"I understand." He said gently, and released my arms to take my face between his hands.Never losing eye contact, he leaned closer until his lips captured mine, firm and sweet.His hands crawled almost automatically around my shoulders, across my back, pulling me hard against his body, and my skin tingled at his touch.When had I opened my mouth to him?I didn't remember, but now his tongue was duelling with mine, and his hard, uncompromising lips were sweeping over my lips, harsh and insistent, bruising me, making promises, staking claims.What the …?How in hell had _this_ happened?

Jack pulled away first, his breathing harsh, muscles tensed for flight.He held me at arm's length with an almost comical expression of astonishment.I thought he was going to run.

"What – ?" I began, instinctively breaking his grip and moving towards him.He quickly raised his hands palms outermost in the classic 'back off' gesture.Slowly I withdrew.There was a strained silence, then Colonel O'Neill caught his breath, looked up and gave me a quirky smile.

"Woah, Carter." He breathed, shaking his head, "D'you give your dates notice before they kiss you goodnight?You should carry a Government Health Warning."

"Thank you, sir," I replied gravely, "And may I return the compliment – now that I know what I'm talking about?"I caught his eye and looked away, trying not to smile.A sound suspiciously like suppressed laughter caused me to look up sharply.Colonel O'Neill, my immediate superior, was clutching the edge of my desk in an effort to maintain his self-control.It was just too much.I felt my facial muscles, rigid and aching, abruptly give way to uncontrollable mirth.For some minutes, neither Jack nor I managed anything coherent.Eventually, a heavy pounding on my office door alerted me to the fact that not only were we were locked in, but someone must have been trying to attract my attention for a considerable time.

"Coming." I replied, still chuckling.I moved away from the Colonel to open the door.Daniel stepped over the threshold, guilt written all over his face.

"Look, guys, I'm really sorry I caused so much trouble." He began, his penitent expression beginning to dissolve into puzzlement as he glanced nervously between the two of us."I, um, should have realised when Teal'c told me – hey, what is it with you two?"I glanced at O'Neill.Jack was shuffling his feet, fidgeting, eyes everywhere but on me, lips twitching.I didn't dare look at him.Hurriedly I transferred my gaze to the carpet, the ceiling, wherever – but it was too late.Jack's lips twitched again, my mouth trembled, then abruptly the dam burst once more.Through my tears of mirth, I became aware of Daniel fruitlessly trying to ask questions, then finally giving up, slamming the office door behind him.

"Hey," Jack finally managed between breaths, "I feel a whole lot better for that.Ya know, Carter, we should do this more often!"I stared at him quizzically.

"Which particular part, sir?" I queried.He didn't answer immediately, but strode over to my door and opened it.Then he looked back at me and a very enigmatic smile spread its way slowly over his face.

"You choose, Carter." He announced with the satisfaction of one who has finally gained the upper hand."You choose."


End file.
